oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
