ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize