Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
