I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
