I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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