Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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