Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize