I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Houston, we have a squirter
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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