I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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