One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
