He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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