The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
