I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
