I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
