my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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