Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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