So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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