I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
