i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
