My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
