wanna go halves on a baby?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
