So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
