i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
