i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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