I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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