3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
