She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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