toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I had to cum in my sink.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
