she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
