Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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