Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
