I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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