My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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