Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
