just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
