3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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