I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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