My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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