A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
