So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
the condom got lost in my hair
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't put those talents on a resume
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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