look no pants
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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