I want to walk on stilts...naked
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
