mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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