Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
