then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
