And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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