I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
