I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
