Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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