I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize