Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
