Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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