I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
