dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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