cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
