its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
