Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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