You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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