where does the pee come out of this thing
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
