my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can you bring me the toilet please
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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