im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
