i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
