Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
