Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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