Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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