did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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