I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
