I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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