Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
