New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
